Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
