I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
