You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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