You work out of a Hotel?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
