I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You don't make any sense
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