to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
