i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
