Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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