if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
