Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
