bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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