I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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