I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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