I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
