Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
