Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
