yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
