people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
