Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
