the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
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She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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