im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
