I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I wear drunk well.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
