Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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