It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
