So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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