your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
