He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
