Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
