Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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