my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
