i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize