I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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