If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Randomize
