That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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