I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The best revenge is premature balding
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
