Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
