I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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