haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
