Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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