Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
