I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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