I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There r osticjed everywhere
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
