You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
