I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
