meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
