So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
