He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
