i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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