Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
