You're my little dorito
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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