y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
