do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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