I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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