Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
