I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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