Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Terrible idea I love it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
