neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
