A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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