dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
