when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
