Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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