whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
