Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
