I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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