We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
